In honour of me starting to learn how to eat again I kicked off the process yesterday with a small amount of Hagen Daz, Mayan Chocolate ice cream. The local grocery store even got into the flow of the day by actually having it on sale.
Now I have to take a moment to provide some public education. There is in our language a word, “oxymoron”. When I was young I thought that referred to someone who didn’t know how to use Oxydol properly and ruined clothes by bleaching them immoderately. This was an error. In fact oxymoron refers to a self contradicting phrase. a concept that is logically impossible. Common oxymoronic examples are, “military intelligence” or “honest politician”. Though these are oxymorons probably the most egregious example is the phrase, “too much chocolate”.
It is logically, morally and gustatorially impossible to have too much chocolate. Now some may say that this is not so but they are confusing an inability to put more food into their stomachs with having too much chocolate. I can agree that there is a physical limit to the volume of any substance that can be ingested. You can’t put a gallon into a pint bottle, but the inability to shove in more food in, isn’t the same thing as there being too much of the food. Even when people have reached the physical limit of their ability to ingest more, the one thing any normal person will still attempt is a little “chocolatey mint.” If you don’t understand this then you are probably not a Python fan and so ipso facto you are a commie loving pervert out to destroy our way of life and all we hold dear.
I point this out because Mayan chocolate has more pure, scrumptious, melty, sweet bitter, chocolatey goodness than any ice cream known to man. This is as it should be. I happen to know, having heard it from Mr Hagen himself that they would put more chocolate into the recipe if it were scientifically possible. When we have finally solved the problem of the theory of everything and joined quantum physics, Einsteinian relativity and Newtonian laws we might be able to make better chocolate ice cream but short of that there is no other concoction that even comes close.
Any way I had a little tiny bit of this ambrosia last night as the first attempt to eat something and it may surprise you but after eating virtually nothing for over three quarters of a year it tasted just great. I hope you can all experience in your life the pure joy of such a moment, without all the preceding crap I went through. Go forth and enjoy the foods you like best. Treasure them and hope that like so many of us blessed in this country you never have to do without for any length of time for any reason.
For those who because of poverty or anything else don’t have this blessing I’m sorry that I and my fellow Canadians haven’t forced our politicians to provide for the needs of our brothers and sisters, before catering to the corporations they all seem to think are so important.